As I unlocked my bike this morning, a funny thought popped into my head. Would the Michael 4 years ago have recognized the Michael of today? Certainly, I don't know what triggered this thought. Maybe it was the bike, which we've had for years. Maybe it was the conversation about the dog park and paying rent. Maybe it was the social obligations. When I was doing this, I had come from the dog park and was heading to Sara's for her birthday brunch which was DELICIOUS.
So, tonight, I figured it might be fun to take a look back at where I was 4 years ago at this time in the year-- just graduated from high school and onward to Clark. In that weird in between with no lingering responsibilities and the specter of something larger than your past looming ahead of you. Like a freshman year roommate or a view of Boston Common.
As I am writing this in my new blog, I thought it would be appropriate to use my livejournal as a tool for this retrospective. Certainly, my memory alone is not good enough to handle the task, which is part of the reason why I've always kept a blog of sorts. Looking at the summer of 2004, I found out the following about the old Michael:
-I used the word "woot" repeatedly. In text and probably in real life. My apologies to everyone involved.
-Everything in my world view was pretty black and white. Judging from the posts, I had a hard time reconciling what my perception of gay culture was with my own identity. The question "can activism and body glitter go hand in hand" was actually asked. At the time, I was going to change the world and be the great gay liberator-- I had aspirations to run the HRC, and had volunteered for the organization. Granted, I was also a raging homophobe, so I don't know how I was supposed to reconcile that. There is something so delightful in the broad brush approach I took at the time to "gay rights", and how I thought I could solve everything by integration into mainstream culture.
-I spent an inordinate amount of my time thinking about standardized tests, and how awesome it was that I was an AP Scholar. How rad was I?!? OMG LYK AP EURO!!!1!
-Much as I am currently obsessed with residence life, I was obsessed with honors society (of which i was the president) and being a PA (peer advocate). This is probably one of the more relevant things I discovered. Did it socialize me towards taking on activities and responsibilities in college, or did it instill in me a need to be active in my community? Could the Michael of West Haven High School looked at me entering the M.Ed program at Suffolk and think "This is a logical progression of my interests"? My thought is no-- I wanted to be the gay Martin Luther King Jr.
-I posted what I then called "an emotional enema", wherein I basically whined for two pages about how I was in LOVE with Ian, how I never knew my mother, how I felt disconnected from my friends, and how I should recognize the beauty of the world around me but I just couldn't. Much of it was valid or driven by hormones, but it still just sounds like I should have a striped sweater and brushed over bangs. Although, at the time I would have said "black fingernails".
-Around this time of year was the last time my mother and I had a significant fight, which lasted for all of 11 days, wherein we did not speak. This is also interesting, since we haven't spoken in close to three weeks after a stupid argument over my graduation party. Certainly, I do not remember the reason for the fight. Back then, as it was now, it was all about control. You'd think that I'd learn from myself.
I encourage anyone who has a diary, journal, livejournal, etc, to go through and try this same thing. It is nice to put into perspective how much or how little you appear to have grown.
Showing posts with label Livejournal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Livejournal. Show all posts
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Hillary Rodham Clinton, June 7th 2008
"So I want to say to my supporters: when you hear people saying or think to yourself 'if only' or 'what if', I say, please don't go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from looking forward". -Hillary Clinton
Senator Clinton formally announced today that she is endorsing Barack Obama, after 16 months of primaries, debates, articles, mud slinging, and hard slogging campaigning. Watching her speech today was an emotional experience, even knowing precisely the kinds of words she would say, the sentiment she would express, and the message she wanted to send to the party. Still though, the emotions that I experienced watching her speech on the internet today were somehow unsuspected. I knew what she was going to say, but I didn't know that I would react to them in the ways that I did.
Personally, I'm sort of an addict when it comes to elections. I couldn't get enough discourse on the Lamont-Lieberman race in 2006, nor the Connecticut Gubenatorial Primary. I chose NPR over music on my car rides to listen to the democratic candidates speak on the radio. At age 14, I stayed up as late as I could have watching the votes roll in and out for Gore and Bush, until I had to go to bed... only to wake up to more back and forth. Oh, such extended delight and agony!
So, its an interesting position to find oneself emotionally entagled in a primary race. Yet, here I am in the sweltering heat of mid June in Worcester, made only worse by the heat of my computer in my lap, stirred by Clinton's departure from the race. The past months, the race has been my Greys Anatomy or Lost. I relished in the scandal and delighted in the plot twists. I tuned in each Tuesday night for the next installment of the drama, to see how the next episode in this great American drama might unfold. The Reverend Wright was my Isaiah Washington, the sniper fire my "who shot J.R.". Recently, I have found myself attached to the characters on the screen who make me gasp and call my mother over comments on foreign policy.
It is perhaps pathetic that I am making these connections? Maybe its symptomatic of the nature of American politics as a vehicle for pretense and pomposity. Perhaps though, its merely indicative of my place as a member of the millenial generation. We are consumers of an intense amount of visual and digital information, over achievers who want to do good, live hard, and have fun. Is it so strange that these comparisons can be drawn? So unheard of that in a generation where we codeswitch between AIM and speaking to our grandparents or talking ANTM and foreign policy that we might develop convergent connections between our politicians and Meredith Grey? Perhaps we can have it all.
Sometimes, a show like M*A*S*H can warm our hearts, make us cry when it ends, and linger with us long afterwards. And sometimes, a show like American Idol can make us call in and pledge money or simply vote. Sometimes, a show like Grey's Anatomy can make a junior in college cry in his friend's apartment because two of the patients were impaled during a train collision, and one willingly sacrifices herself to save the other.
It has been Hillary Clinton's campaign, though, that has done all three of those things.
As a white male member of the undergraduate class of 2008, perhaps it would have been expected that I should attend Barack Obama's rallies and gear up to say "Yes, I Can". Personally, I haven't been able to dissect what has made me so endeared to Hillary Clinton. Perhaps it is because our political choices end up being so dependent on our backgrounds and upbringings-- as a child of a lower middle class family, Reagan democrats in some respects, growing up surrounded by 'yes we fucking can' women-- the choice was made for me long before she announced. Something about her, though, appealed to me. Much as I prefer a McDonalds Caramel iced coffee to a venti vanilla latte, my inborn and developed tastes are predicated on the world in which I live. I vote for Clinton because I am part of that voting bloc, even though Barack Obama might better represent my ideals or opinions.
Maybe part of her appeal is that she sounds like a woman from West Haven, but with words, thoughts, and insight from the world outside those 50,000 people. That deep down, she's just a local girl done good. Much like how I try to view myself, sans the gender difference, law degree, and the elected office. We do have similar hair, though, at least when mine was growing out for Harry Potter.
The most important thing, though, is probably that there is something about Hillary Clinton's tenacity and "old fashioned" belief that one enters civil service to help others achieve their version of the American Dream that has made me feel like I have a duty to work a little harder and reach a litle farther. Or that there is possibility and hope and opportunity with hard work and determination.
So Hillary Clinton, thanks for the past few months. I'm excited for next season.
Senator Clinton formally announced today that she is endorsing Barack Obama, after 16 months of primaries, debates, articles, mud slinging, and hard slogging campaigning. Watching her speech today was an emotional experience, even knowing precisely the kinds of words she would say, the sentiment she would express, and the message she wanted to send to the party. Still though, the emotions that I experienced watching her speech on the internet today were somehow unsuspected. I knew what she was going to say, but I didn't know that I would react to them in the ways that I did.
Personally, I'm sort of an addict when it comes to elections. I couldn't get enough discourse on the Lamont-Lieberman race in 2006, nor the Connecticut Gubenatorial Primary. I chose NPR over music on my car rides to listen to the democratic candidates speak on the radio. At age 14, I stayed up as late as I could have watching the votes roll in and out for Gore and Bush, until I had to go to bed... only to wake up to more back and forth. Oh, such extended delight and agony!
So, its an interesting position to find oneself emotionally entagled in a primary race. Yet, here I am in the sweltering heat of mid June in Worcester, made only worse by the heat of my computer in my lap, stirred by Clinton's departure from the race. The past months, the race has been my Greys Anatomy or Lost. I relished in the scandal and delighted in the plot twists. I tuned in each Tuesday night for the next installment of the drama, to see how the next episode in this great American drama might unfold. The Reverend Wright was my Isaiah Washington, the sniper fire my "who shot J.R.". Recently, I have found myself attached to the characters on the screen who make me gasp and call my mother over comments on foreign policy.
It is perhaps pathetic that I am making these connections? Maybe its symptomatic of the nature of American politics as a vehicle for pretense and pomposity. Perhaps though, its merely indicative of my place as a member of the millenial generation. We are consumers of an intense amount of visual and digital information, over achievers who want to do good, live hard, and have fun. Is it so strange that these comparisons can be drawn? So unheard of that in a generation where we codeswitch between AIM and speaking to our grandparents or talking ANTM and foreign policy that we might develop convergent connections between our politicians and Meredith Grey? Perhaps we can have it all.
Sometimes, a show like M*A*S*H can warm our hearts, make us cry when it ends, and linger with us long afterwards. And sometimes, a show like American Idol can make us call in and pledge money or simply vote. Sometimes, a show like Grey's Anatomy can make a junior in college cry in his friend's apartment because two of the patients were impaled during a train collision, and one willingly sacrifices herself to save the other.
It has been Hillary Clinton's campaign, though, that has done all three of those things.
As a white male member of the undergraduate class of 2008, perhaps it would have been expected that I should attend Barack Obama's rallies and gear up to say "Yes, I Can". Personally, I haven't been able to dissect what has made me so endeared to Hillary Clinton. Perhaps it is because our political choices end up being so dependent on our backgrounds and upbringings-- as a child of a lower middle class family, Reagan democrats in some respects, growing up surrounded by 'yes we fucking can' women-- the choice was made for me long before she announced. Something about her, though, appealed to me. Much as I prefer a McDonalds Caramel iced coffee to a venti vanilla latte, my inborn and developed tastes are predicated on the world in which I live. I vote for Clinton because I am part of that voting bloc, even though Barack Obama might better represent my ideals or opinions.
Maybe part of her appeal is that she sounds like a woman from West Haven, but with words, thoughts, and insight from the world outside those 50,000 people. That deep down, she's just a local girl done good. Much like how I try to view myself, sans the gender difference, law degree, and the elected office. We do have similar hair, though, at least when mine was growing out for Harry Potter.
The most important thing, though, is probably that there is something about Hillary Clinton's tenacity and "old fashioned" belief that one enters civil service to help others achieve their version of the American Dream that has made me feel like I have a duty to work a little harder and reach a litle farther. Or that there is possibility and hope and opportunity with hard work and determination.
So Hillary Clinton, thanks for the past few months. I'm excited for next season.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
