On Eating Meat, June 16th 2008

For about 15 months, I was a practicing vegetarian.

Let me break down what I mean first, because I think there is a lot to say about my practicing.

When I say practicing, I don't mean how a doctor practices medicine. I mean in the way that I tried. I practiced. It was a way of living, but not a way of life. I generally did not buy or eat meat. If it was served at a family meal (which I attended mainly at special occasions), then I would eat it without remorse. Partially to keep peace with my family, but also as a result of my motives for 'practicing'. Of course, practice makes perfect, and we practice because we are not perfect. I slipped up from time to time, or made conscious decisions in times of stress. After finals my junior year, I planned on and deliberately went to KFC for some breaded chicken deliciousness-- the result of which was particularly disappointing. Who would have thought that KFC tastes like spicy death?

This weekend, I was home for Father's Day. As part of the festivities, we had steak and veggies. I obliged, eating a small serving of steak. On an unrelated aside, it was very close to smaller than the 4 oz. recommended meal sized serving. I didn't feel too badly about it at the time. Reduced usage still reduces the fiscal payback to large farms. I was still mainly vegetarian, and planned on resuming the practice when I came back to Worcester.

Two events occurred over the weekend, though, that reaffirmed my need to avoid meat. They were also potentially enough to help me shake off animal products in general, lest they are certifiably cruelty free. They are, in this order:

1)http://www.chooseveg.com/animal-cruelty.asp
This video is one of the many "factory farms are cruel to animals" films that are out there in the internet ether. I had seen some of the anti-foie gras sites and anti fur videos, but never had I realized the depth and scope of the cruelty involved in products that are relevant to almost everyone's daily life. Our dinners are served on bloody plates: tainted by the wanton cruelty towards animals for profit and our consumption. Even a glass of milk is suspect, and perhaps as terrible as veal. In fact, it enables veal. Pigs, which are intelligent creatures capable of the same kind of cognitive processes of three year olds (according to this site) are disemboweled alive.

I'm put in a tough moral place with this kind of knowledge. Obviously, meat is a part of a human's natural diet... but does engaging in that need at the cruel expense of the animals justify our place in the food chain?

Also, I am deathly allergic to soy milk and have heard rice milk contains known carcinogens. So my moral dilemma also encompasses the question of "what do I put in my coffee and cereal"?

2) Lobster
I was unable to make it home for Mother's day, so I decided to surprise my mother with her favorite meal: Boiled lobster.

Now, again, I try not to eat meat, but generally didn't feel guilty when I did partake. Perhaps that is because there is a distinct emotional disconnect between buying a shapeless slab of meat or piece of bacon, and actually killing your meal to eat. But, like a good son, I boiled the water, set the lobsters up, and dropped them in to their deaths. Unlike some, I did not deprive myself the responsibility of watching the result of my actions. They clearly knew that they were fucked, could feel it, and suffered. As they turned bright red, I felt so extremely guilty. So I put the cover on the top of the pot, and walked into the other room to pet my mother's cats. It struck me that what I had done was in some ways no different than stuffing my cat into the oven for dinner. The only difference was that people don't generally eat cats-- but they do eat crustaceans. Social norms made it okay to boil these bug-fish alive.

I felt terrible for the next eight minutes, then plated them up with what I thought of as a brave resolve. My mother had set the table outside, so we carried the carcasses outside with a side of mashed red potatoes (which I will serve at my wedding, when I find the guy). Rending the tail from the body, I looked inside and saw what appeared to be green sludge. My mother tells me that it meant that both of the lobsters were pregnant. It took a great emotional resolve to choke down the meal... but delicious emotional resolve smothered in real butter.

I'm still feeling a little queasy from the meal, probably from the emotions and not the lobster itself. What I have decided, though, from all this, is that I have a responsibility to reduce/remove animal products from my diet wholly and for better reasons than "it was something fun to try for 15 months".

On Class, May 27th 2008

So today I went to work. When I'm working and I make a mistake, I have this terrible habit of assuming that the customer believes that I'm some dead head with no future. As though forgetting that they wanted a "two-pump-sugar-free-vanilla-latte-with-whole-milk-iced-venti... no-grande..." (which makes it hard to enter and retain in our system) rather than an iced venti 2 pump vanilla latte with whole milk* assures my inability to succeed. Knowing that I worked next to 3 other Clark students only made me feel further devaluated, as though it was reflective of my institution.

"Welcome to Clark. May I take your order?"

Now, of course I know there are so many things wrong with what I just said. I'm working there before I get my masters (potentially through my masters, but more on that below), and I work with some of the smarter and more able Clark students I have known. Furthermore, I know the intellectual rigor, mental stamina, and personal fortitude it takes to handle 300 customers having woken up at 4am. Tip your baristas, they work hard. And the whole statement above reflects my own biases and inability to change my belief that working in the service industry makes you dumb. I know firsthand that its untrue, both from myself and the saavy management I have had. Companies are made of their component parts, and they wouldn't succeed without an incredible product and the staff that provides that in a way that values the customer and keeps them coming back for more.

So perhaps this should not bring me relief. Perhaps instead, it should bring me an unrelated joy. Yet, they are not divorced entirely. When I checked my email today, there was a letter from the director of residential life and summer programs at Suffolk University. I have been hired as an Assistant Residence Director (Graduate Assistant). This means I have a room in Boston, rent free, and a $13,000 payment package for the year, part of which might be tuition remittance. I wont be swinging coffee in 11 weeks-- I'll be in downtown Boston.**

So now I have an opportunity that even my father, who has been a casual supporter of my success at best, suggests is "too good to pass up". Tomorrow I'll be calling financial aid and trying to secure some loans and grants to get my education where it needs to be-- and the rest of my life going in the direction of the starbucks patron who tips well and orders unassuming drinks.


* The difference is several hundred calories, but you cant taste the difference. Also, they'd have ordered with skim. Not soy--that is the chai crowd almost exclusively.

**If I choose to accept the deal and can get financial aid settled.