Closing Up Shop and Fever Dreams

No... not the blog.

In the past week, I finished up the last of my academic work for the semester and closed up the residence hall. The master's degree is currently 1/3 in my hand, provided I did the following:

-passed the multiple choice Legal Aspects final, wherein one of the potential answers was "burn down a sex offender's house". This was not the answer I chose. I think that maybe I did alright on that one.

-did acceptably (read: D or better) on my Organization and Administration final. The final was a 20 page take home exam, worth 40% of the grade. I don't think that you really get grades lower than a B on anything in this program, and the paper was pretty solid for something written while having fever dreams. I'm wagering on a 93.

While all this was happening, I was pretty sure my body was planning on closing up shop. I started coming down with a cold while out Christmas shopping with K., and only deteriorated from there. That night, I had an intense fever: the kind that leaves you shivering and sweating, and then begins inserting images from your dark unconscious into your half away fever shaking mind. Actually, it was more of a narrative. A ridiculous narrative, detailed below.

Basically, around 3pm, I decided that there was a fever in my body because Dick Cheney was using me as a vessel to hold the Constitution, but it was really more like a dark constitution bomb of some sort. I'm not sure on the details, as this was likely a fever dream. So, the reason I was feeling so terrible is because I was a vessel for this god knows what bent on destroying the inauguration. That was his evil plan, after all. Along the way, I met with Janet Neapolitano and Mary McDonald (the President from Battlestar Gallactica), who told me that, in this position, I was the most important person in the Universe... and I believed her. I seriously believed her. Tammi Duckworth agreed with me, because she was in my dream. Yes, the 2006 Democratic candidate for Congress in the 6th district of Illinois. Any plan to get up and get water was of dire consequence. There was a desert in my mind and my mouth, and decisions about getting a cold compress involved the consult of my makeshift cabinet of sometimes fictional advisers. At some point, I decided that I had to soldier through it, and defeat the sickness myself as part of my civic duty.

Yes, these are my fever dreams. The National Security Counsel, Battlestar Gallactica, and CNN's former sweethearts. There's a lot going on in my noggin.

So that lasted for a week, but I'm doing much better now. I've only got a little bit of the death rattle of a cough left, and after one night of profuse sweating (and a dream about Mr. Consorte from highschool), the fever broke. So now I'm milking what little bit I can to get off from the worse duties at work (read: there's nothing to do there anyway. Hello Perez).

Basically, this post only exists because I wanted to write about my fever dream experience. Its right up there with the time that I drunkenly e-mailed Hillary Clinton.


(as an aside, I would like to offer this counterpoint to my personality: my fever dreams involve political deception and high rolling figures... sort of... but my current musical obsessions are Miley Cyrus and Paramore. Yep...)

Men I'd Like To Be: Keith Olbermann

This video was absolutely moving.

Impassioned. Eloquent. Heartbreaking. Most importantly, born of the importance of justice and access for all. Not from personal interest, but from compassion for those around you.

This post didn't start out as a "men I'd like to be" post. It was going to be about using your position, your sphere of influence, to make a change. To stand and be counted, or to speak and be heard. To take your knowledge, take your passion, and spread it to those who might benefit and for those who might benefit both. To advocate on behalf of those outside of your own interests, as those are often the voices heard most clearly and with most credence. Perhaps a validation of my own interest in moving South or moving West, where my speaking out might reach a greater audience of people who need to hear what I have to say.

Then I realized that Keith was taking me to task. He was doing all these things in his sphere. He was showing that he had the microphone, he held the reins, and we are going where he's telling us we're going. Listen to what's in his voice-- the strain and the emotion. The sincerity. Therein lies a man agonized by a course of events that degrade the lives and experiences of other Americans.

Is this the most important cause? Is this the greatest task we can act upon? Daresay, I don't believe so. It is a cause, and it is important, and he's advocating for it. He feels about it. Damnit, thats more than most of us.

Political Microblog

I didn't see the acceptance speech that night, but watched it on youtube when I woke up in the morning, and cried.

Yes, we did... and more importantly, Yes, we still can.

I Go To Electoral College

My buddy, the Bookkook, posted his predictions for tomorrow's big race, and I realized I should probably do the same thing for a couple of reasons:

-I start every day by checking out the CNN.com electoral map. Then play around with what happens when you lose Virginia or Iowa. Then realize that I haven't been doing work for an hour.

-There is rampant positivity on the left wing, and I'm not so optimistic.

-My political birth occurred during 2000, so there is something about electoral politics that is going to color my experience for quite some time.

-My goatee is riding on a bet with Kris-- if the democrats win, then it's got to go. If the Republicans win... I think I'm going to take him to Disney, the happiest place on Earth, because we're both going to be so damn sad. Drastic outcomes will require drastic measures.

I'm tempted to put money on McCain, just because that would net me a windfall if he DID win. Something about losing money just doesn't sit right with me, though. I'm calling the election for Obama. Who isn't?

I will say that I don't think North Carolina is going to go blue. I also think that Virginia is going to be much closer than we expect. Florida worries me, and I fear that we're going to see more voter disenfranchisement. Ohio is still anyone's game, and I think Missouri is going to go Republican too.

I am also predicting (for my friends in Massachusetts) the following:

Proposition 1: The repeal of the income tax-- will not occur. It will be very close though. If it did, I would be so incredibly disheartened with my otherwise so intelligent friends in the Commonwealth.
Proposition 2: The decriminalization of small amounts of marijuana-- will not happen. 60% voting against, although, its really anybody's game. I'd be interested to see where this goes-- I like to think that most people are interested in getting a more sensible marijuana policy. Then again, I don't know where I stand on this anymore.
Proposition 3: Outlawing dog racing-- Will not happen, although it should. Greyhounds are treated horribly in race tracks. I encourage anyone who is in a position to give a loving home to a dog to consider a greyhound adoption society for former racing dogs. They're beautiful and loving dogs, really.

We'll see how we did in less than 24 hours!!!!!!

On Leadership In Progress

Throughout the 2008 election cycle, I've written about my desire to get into national politics at some point in my life. Certainly, action is not indicative of interest here, since I'm currently sitting on the 9th floor of a residence hall, rather than getting into the nitty gritty and networking with the parties that would connect me to the option of being a political figure. The desire is there, I suppose, but the commitment is not. Or at least, the ability to make the commitment.

Throughout this election cycle, I've also been trying to integrate into my opinions and worldview what is quickly becoming Barack's empty promise about post partisan politics. Let's call it a trope in the overarching theme of my quest for greater personal development. One day I'll be able to look at a democrat and republican and say "no, the republican is the better leader. They are the better choice". As an aside, that almost happened in Connecticut in 2006 when I considered voting for Joe Lieberman (and good lord, I dislike that man). It hasn't happened since.

(As an aside, I established MA residency that year, and didn't end up voting in the Connecticut elections. So I voted for Edward Kennedy that year).

These two ideas come rushing together... here.

Watching Sarah Palin's ABC interview on youtube, I was struck by how ill prepared she was to answer most, if not all, of Charlie Gibson's questions. Perhaps I mean "ill prepared" in the sense that she responded how I might expect someone in the current administration to answer. Perhaps I mean that, if I paused the video and composed an answer and then listened to hers, that they would be comparable in understanding of world affairs or similarly articulate. Perhaps, my definition doesn't matter. Rather, it is the fact that I can apply the term "ill prepared" at all. This is a candidate that will help shape policy for up to 8 years after her potential election. Maybe more... and here is some uppity grad student calling her on being "ill prepared"? I'm sorry, but that is not a phrase I can use regarding Joe Biden. It would likely even be less applicable if I was referring to Jodi Rell. I hate to say it, but even Mitt Romney (although, good lord I dislike him) cannot be called "ill prepared".

In truth, I leave her interview thinking "I could do that just as well, right now".

So it is that sentiment that further inspires me. This is not Hillary Clinton, who made me feel like it was my civic duty to effect a positive change. This is not Joe Biden, who makes me want to prove that some catholic blue collar kid can make a splash AND make it home for dinner. This is not John McCain, who shows me the honor of service and humility and faith a servant of the nation should show, humbling me with his love for country. Instead, this is Sarah Palin, who makes me think "Jesus, that's all it takes?"

I'm moving to Alaska. Moore for Governor, 2020!

Partisanship is the new post partisanship

Once upon a time, specifically just before the summer of '08, I was promised post partisan politics.

Now, either someone has reneged on this offer, it was a limited time promotion, or we've just moved past it. Post-partisan politics maybe got lower Nielson ratings than the Olympics, so we switched back? Maybe John Edwards' affair made it so, no matter what the presidential candidates were doing, at least they weren't having affairs on their terminal wives.

Forget the faux-outrage. Forget the calls that each statement is "the new low". Forget that you're trying to win an election. This is not the model on which electoral politics should be built. Elections are not about figuring out who is the worst candidate, or trying to persuade me to vote for you because the other party is a terrible choice. This is not about pandering to my interests because it might win you the blue collar vote.

Maybe this is a little idealistic, and maybe this is a little naive. Part of the reason I felt so great heading into this election was that there was so much less in the way of attacking the other candidates. It was about "this is how my idea works, this is why my idea works". When the party driven attacks began, it wasn't necessarily snarky or personal. It was "this is why my idea works and theirs doesn't". Its the process of persuasion. This is why I'm the best. Look at my virtues, look at his virtues, and if you like one over the other then you're going to have picked a president based on their value.

Instead, when I ask people why they are voting for someone, the answer is often "McCain is Bush's 3rd term... he's shown poor judgement..." or "Barack Obama is too inexperienced...He's not the reformer he claims to be...".

The time is coming where the electorate needs to call up in one voice, outraged with the course that both parties have set. I refuse to stand by and levy the same attacks used against me. I refuse to degrade opinion for superficial reasons. I refuse to vote for someone simply to vote against another.

Barack Obama is the new Donna Karen

About a week and a half ago, my Obama for President shirt was delivered to my office. Since then, I have worn it two times, one of those times being today. When I put on the shirt, something is different. People see it and they respond.

For example, I wore it the day before 1st year move in, and a half drunk woman on the street yelled out for "an across the road high five". Sometimes, things like that happen to me. Every day, I think I end up with a ridiculous story. So, I don't think its anything too incredible. However, I wore it today, and one of the cafeteria workers, while ringing me through for my veggie burger commented on how she liked my shirt, then remembered who I was later on when I saw her on the Common. Or, at the Elections office today, the director made a point to say that Obama was his boy, and then helped me out quite a bit more than I expected any bureaucrat to help an uppity grad student. Even the lady on the elevator up asked me "So, my buddy Sarah Palin didn't convince you the other night?" So we had a very nice conversation about her, as well.

Maybe its because people are so fired up for this election-- this one means something, we think. There is a change we can make, a situation we can prevent, or a world we can save with our paper ballot and civic engagement. Participation in the grand pageant of civic duty is somehow more relevant than in years past. As though, just maybe, we can effect the change we wish to see, empowered through participation.

This, of course, is the premise of how we run the country. The often imperfect but nonetheless elegant process by which we elect our leadership. It is shocking to me that some might find the fact that my voice is a part of the choice for the national leadership anything other than humbling and a huge civic responsibility. That one might pass that opportunity by is, in fact, heartbreaking. To be entrusted with such responsibility and to cast it aside so easily is a betrayl of the sacred social covenant to which we find ourselved bound. Regardless of your opinion, you must have one. Take the time to present it via your vote.

The other side of the enchantment that happens when I wear this shirt is the assumption of the Obama campaign. Somehow, I worry about the way in which I reflect on his candidacy and operation. If I act imprudently or rudely, does that reflect back on Mr. Obama himself? Thats why I always smile when I walk by the McCain Victory Headquarters. Just in case I run across a vocal McCain proponent, I can smile and make a great conversation, build a bridge and maybe shake hands at the end. This, by no small measure, is surely a result of having worked in residence life, where every action reflects on the department, and every misstep is played out against you in a judicial hearing.

Perhaps this all means that I am wearing a brand. Like any other brand, people make assumptions about your character and interests as a result of who is across your chest. Whether a zinger pushing the envelope or a political icon, there is a representation of self and the values and interests you purport to have. Mine, then, is just an Abercrombie that people have opinions about?

I can has grownup?

The past few weeks, posting here has been light.
By light, I mean, non existent.

Mainly, I'm going to blame that on my work engagements and getting accustomed to living in Boston. Life is taking off for me in a lot of different directions right now, so I've had less time than I did this summer to decompress via verbalization. My priorities have also shifted-- no longer is watching CNN the highlight of my day.

I've started working in the office at my assistantship, and its certainly been more work than I expected. Students are confused, and while I have access to some information, I'm certainly not experienced at the workings of the office. So, while I have been able to do what I can, for the most part it feels like the blind leading the blind. On top of that, I'm fielding parent phone calls and working on developing a university sponsored organization with a 5 figure budget.

The other day, I received notice that I will be starting my judicial responsibilities as well. Adjudication is part conversation, part confrontation in my mind. It requires patience, knowledge of policy, and professionalism. These are not my strong suits at all. How am I going to be a University Judicial Officer, when my personality is better suited to observation or having fun? Can you host a judicial meeting where you make a student laugh, and still be effective as an official? As an administrator? As a disciplinarian?

Aside from a job bordering on professional with real responsibilities, I've discovered that I've been trying to develop adult relationships with my parents. Today, I invited them up to Boston for a weekend. In short, they are visiting me of my own accord. Not because they're moving me out, not because they're giving me money, but as a social call. I have chosen to host them. I suppose these aren't necessarily large responsibilities or transformations, especially when my mother and I are particularly close. However, the situation and experience of this visit is of a tenor unrecognizable to my past experience.

I've also begun painting again, in an attempt to fill my free time with a worthwhile experience. Perhaps a hobby? An avocation? More likely, a healing experience. My former major, after the experience I had in the academy and the betrayal I felt on the eve of my thesis defense, this is a first step in the process of reclaiming something which was once so important to my life and experience, to my identity and self. It is a healing action, I hope.

I'm currently watching the RNC, and hoping I can one day be the kind of person who can vote for a candidate because they are the most qualified, not because I identify with their party. That requires many things, I think... but first, it requires the kind of adult personal growth I currently am seeking. The fact that I'm watching the RNC is probably also the reason the writing on this post is as low quality as it is. I'm too busy watching the cowboy hats swing back and forth as Cindy McCain woos me with her committment to doing good in a world so beset by tragedy. I may not agree with McCain/Palin, but I can definitely respect Cindy.

Those Pesky Elites

Elite. Its nothing more than a dirty word. People sitting in a country club, cold drinks, big hats, talking stocks and conspiring to run the country. The senator from the great state of Taxachussetts, living off the hard work of the middle class.

The fuss people are getting into over the term elite during this presidential election is absolutely ridiculous, in my opinion. I propose that there are 3 reasons why:

1) Everyone is middle class, so the "elite" are "not like you and me"
2) We equate "elite" with "elitist"
3) To gain any power and run for things like Senate seats or the Presidency, one must ascend to the echelons of the elite.

1) Everyone is Middle Class
This is a concept we discussed in my Feminist Theory course, although I dont remember which theorist or who we read. What I do remember is the concept, which must count for something. What it stated was that some incredible percentage of people believed themselves to be "middle class".... it was something like 70%. This is despite, after polling, their incomes varied incredibly-- from less than $25k/year to over $100k. To me, neither of those figures look particularly "middle class". That looks like a general spectrum of wages from "working class" to "particularly affluent".

There is an article in the Chicago Tribune here that corroborates what I remember specifically from the course. The poll you can take is particularly telling.

So then, if everyone is middle class, then the elite nomenclature is extremely problematic, even if its mostly unfounded. It implies a distinction between "us" and "them" (which I'll talk about more in #2). The 'elite' must be separate and uninterested in what suits 'our' needs. By creating these distinctions, which allows us to distance ourselves and not identify with other groups, we are only creating an unnecessary divide that is not wholly correct and almost entirely useless.

That being said, I think it is extremely important to mention that the whole concept of being "middle class" is based entirely on your surroundings. 'Middle class' for West Haven, CT is different than 'Middle Class' in Reading, MA is different than 'Middle Class' in Appleton, WI. This is important to note, because it means we create such a myopic world view of our own wealth or lack of, and what is normal and what is not.

2)All Elites Are Elitist
I don't know that I can write this post without defining "elite". I don't think I care to, though. The point is that we fear this nebulous, scary, influential specter of elitism. Defining it creates a definite boundary of what is and what is not elite, fencing in what is and is not. Aside from that being completely subjective and based on circumstances, it would enable this fear of an undefinable absolute.

That being said, there is a direct correlation in news reports about candidates being Elites, as though it is a slur. If they are elites, they must be elitist, and must not take the common man seriously. As though all beliefs and actions are predicated on a crazy system of delineation based on tax bracket. By most accounts, John Edwards has ascended to the strata of the elites (this is important later), but no one seems to think of him as such. How is he an elite without being an elite? How is a square not a rectangle? Its because the distinction is entirely baseless and founded on a perhaps contrived perception. And perception creates reality, as we all know.

3)You Have to Ascend to that level

The most striking thing about the whole "elite" brouhaha is that one really HAS to be a so called elite in order to run for office. This means Governors, Senators, high ranking members of the administration. People ascend through the ranks to these levels, circulate in these pools, and then run for office. Your association with this strata of governance makes you an elite, I guess, regardless of your background. Remember John Edwards? Son of a mill worker-- but he's an elite by virtue of his success.

That is perhaps the most frustrating part of this whole thing. People like Barack Obama (and even John McCain and Hillary Clinton, I would argue) legitimately rose through the ranks by virtue of their intellect and tenacity. Their success, regardless of their backgrounds, propelled them to this level. They are still from the kinds of families you and I are from, and one does not simply shed that when you have a title attached to your name.

What is (actually) the most frustrating part is that I would rather have someone who has risen through, who has the skills and qualifications, to be the person running my state/country. I don't want some guy 'just like me' to run the country. I'm not qualified to be president. I'm not even sure I could be mayor of my town. When we elect people who present an air of being the dude from down the street (and thats all presentation, bear this in mind), we get ongoing war, slumping economies, and an erosion of civil liberties. What I find most interesting is that he is the actual elite, in all the examples I have given. He is what the specter of elitism looks like!

My point is that we must look past pretense and presentation to the heart of the candidate and the concern. Who has the brains, who has the right answers, rather than "who presents themselves in a way I like". Arugula never killed anyone--bad choices over 8 years have.

The Night Before...

To most people, it comes as no surprise that after heavy drinking, my best friends are often my cell phone and my computer. By best friends, of course, I mean the agents of massive embarrassment.

I remember most of what happened last night, so I'm in good shape on that front. I didn't get stabbed, sleep with someone I picked up at Moynihans, or otherwise put my life in danger. I didn't sleep with my roommate or her dog, although there was a period of time where I did crawl up on her bed in a semi seductive way. Things happen. That didn't.

What did happen was that I fixed myself a vodka tonic at home, at which point Jenn says that we're going to the bar. So we head down, have a few beers and play some pool. Its a generally pleasant time. Some other friends come by, and we head over to a booth. The conversation, which I remember as hilarious, involves pornography and asking the married guy we were hanging out with about he and his wife watching porn.

After all this, Jenn and I walked home. When we got there, I fire up my computer-- obviously a good choice-- and so the night really begins.

The thing I'm most proud of is probably when I drunk emailed Hillary Clinton. I'm laughing out loud right now as I type it, because that is just so ridiculous. From what I remember, it was a very sweet note about how she made me want to run for congress. I alluded to the fact that she might run for president again, but it might have just sounded like I was drunk and uninformed. I don't remember, and she hasn't emailed me back. I guess I'm probably safe. Even still, now I know that about myself: that I'm the kind of person who drunk emails Hillary Clinton.

I also know that I texted Mark, my ex from a few years back, asking what kind of pornography we'd watch if we were still together. It was not straight porn, which made me question why we wouldn't have been more adventurous. I think he and I could have gotten into it. This is around the time when someone said "Women never look like they're having a good time in straight porn. When its two girls, they are always having fun". My apologies to Mark-- not only for always doing shit like this, but also for making it seem like I'm not over you. Oh, and for texting you saying that "I want to dutch oven you".

All in all, it wasn't too destructive an evening. I know I've done worse. Although, Hillary Clinton definitely takes the cake. Also, I can't stop typing that as "Hillary Clintron". Like she is a transformer or something.

Open Letter to Barack Obama

Dear Mr. Obama,

I did not vote for you in the Massachusetts primary. As one of the many ‘jilted Hillary supporters’ who ‘might turn towards McCain’ as our presidential candidate of choice, I feel like you owe me a favor or two. Perhaps you owe me as many as I can list below. After all, my drastically shifting political allegiances just might win you the presidency.

Pick a Damned VP

Yes, I get it. You’re ‘vetting’ your potential second in command. You’re vetting the people who are vetting. You might have even personally vetted those vetters. It has been going on for days, and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on the other things in my life. Seriously. I haven’t done a load of laundry in a month, because you might announce your candidate. Midnight seems like a perfectly feasible time for you to release your choice—it’s still in time for the 6pm news in Hawaii. MSNBC was running a bracket on potential candidates for the number 2 spot, and I would currently be watching the analysis again for this week if it weren’t for Tim Russert getting vetted from life by a cardiovascular disease. (Too soon?)

Yes, it’s a big choice, but surely you’ve had enough time. My suggestion for this round of fundraisers with Sen. Clinton should proceed as follows: You stage a vaudeville style conversation with Hillary Clinton, trading jabs and jest. It continues on, but softens. One of you starts the song and dance routine, and the other chimes in. There is a little soft shoe, about 3 minutes of song, and then a sign gets lowered from the top of the stage, announcing Obama/Clinton ’08.

If that is too cheesy, might I also suggest a puppet show with General Clark as a smart mouthed ventriloquists dummy, or tape recording the speech you meant to give, lip synched by either John Edwards or Kathleen Sebelius?

At this point in my CNN addiction though, I imagine the only thing that will satisfy me is a performance of “Seasons of Love” by your entire cabinet at the Democratic National Convention. You’re going to play Mark, so I suggest Taye Diggs for Secretary of Defense. Janet Reno can reprise her role as Attorney General—you’re gonna need an Angel.

Tough Leadership

One of the few things that really endeared me to you was that, during the massive primary debates, back when there were 8 or 9 contenders, you made a comment about social programs. You said that you wanted to increase spending for some program, but wanted the American people to have no illusions about the fact that yes, that would require raising taxes. It was so…. Real. It was like looking someone in the face and saying “yeah, we’re going to have to tighten our belts a little to get what we want. So you’re just going to have to suck it up or vote for someone else.” To me, that best summed up your manifesto of change. You addressed the American people like a community with the same ideals who might get together for a charity pot luck to save Social Security.

Something I’ve noticed is that leadership means sometimes painting with a large brush, and often it means dripping paint on the floor. The large brush, though, is What Is Best For The Country. The floor is often people’s personal interests. The paint itself is probably mauve.

Thomas Friedman wrote this article about Bush’s current oil addicted energy ‘policy’. At the bottom he outlines an intensive plan for what might be best for the nation, albeit setting gas prices at a baseline of some god forsaken amount. Is that against my personal interests? Yes. Absolutely. The less money I spend on gas, the more money I can spend on booze. However, it might just be what’s Best For The Country. So I’ll suck it up.
My point, is that you’re going to need to be tough and make some unpopular statements and choices as president. You’re going to have to talk to Ahmadinejad, set a tough energy policy, and maybe keep troops in Iraq longer than you planned. Maybe you’ll redirect a troop surge into Afghanistan and try to stabilize the region and find Osama Bin Laden. Maybe you’ll have to say “you know, the concept of educational accountability is great, but not the way it works right now. We need an overhaul that stimulates students in more than science, reading, and math. You can’t totally quantify critical and creative thinking”.

Other

-Campaign song—Barack Obama f. Tupac: Changes, the Remix
-A solemn vow that you’ll never let your daughters get photographed if they ever look as awkward as Chelsea Clinton
-A B.J. (submitted by Jenn B.)

Now, I’m not saying that I won’t vote for you in November if the following demands are not met, but do you really want to take that chance?

Love,

Michael

Hillary Rodham Clinton, June 7th 2008

"So I want to say to my supporters: when you hear people saying or think to yourself 'if only' or 'what if', I say, please don't go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from looking forward". -Hillary Clinton

Senator Clinton formally announced today that she is endorsing Barack Obama, after 16 months of primaries, debates, articles, mud slinging, and hard slogging campaigning. Watching her speech today was an emotional experience, even knowing precisely the kinds of words she would say, the sentiment she would express, and the message she wanted to send to the party. Still though, the emotions that I experienced watching her speech on the internet today were somehow unsuspected. I knew what she was going to say, but I didn't know that I would react to them in the ways that I did.

Personally, I'm sort of an addict when it comes to elections. I couldn't get enough discourse on the Lamont-Lieberman race in 2006, nor the Connecticut Gubenatorial Primary. I chose NPR over music on my car rides to listen to the democratic candidates speak on the radio. At age 14, I stayed up as late as I could have watching the votes roll in and out for Gore and Bush, until I had to go to bed... only to wake up to more back and forth. Oh, such extended delight and agony!

So, its an interesting position to find oneself emotionally entagled in a primary race. Yet, here I am in the sweltering heat of mid June in Worcester, made only worse by the heat of my computer in my lap, stirred by Clinton's departure from the race. The past months, the race has been my Greys Anatomy or Lost. I relished in the scandal and delighted in the plot twists. I tuned in each Tuesday night for the next installment of the drama, to see how the next episode in this great American drama might unfold. The Reverend Wright was my Isaiah Washington, the sniper fire my "who shot J.R.". Recently, I have found myself attached to the characters on the screen who make me gasp and call my mother over comments on foreign policy.

It is perhaps pathetic that I am making these connections? Maybe its symptomatic of the nature of American politics as a vehicle for pretense and pomposity. Perhaps though, its merely indicative of my place as a member of the millenial generation. We are consumers of an intense amount of visual and digital information, over achievers who want to do good, live hard, and have fun. Is it so strange that these comparisons can be drawn? So unheard of that in a generation where we codeswitch between AIM and speaking to our grandparents or talking ANTM and foreign policy that we might develop convergent connections between our politicians and Meredith Grey? Perhaps we can have it all.

Sometimes, a show like M*A*S*H can warm our hearts, make us cry when it ends, and linger with us long afterwards. And sometimes, a show like American Idol can make us call in and pledge money or simply vote. Sometimes, a show like Grey's Anatomy can make a junior in college cry in his friend's apartment because two of the patients were impaled during a train collision, and one willingly sacrifices herself to save the other.

It has been Hillary Clinton's campaign, though, that has done all three of those things.

As a white male member of the undergraduate class of 2008, perhaps it would have been expected that I should attend Barack Obama's rallies and gear up to say "Yes, I Can". Personally, I haven't been able to dissect what has made me so endeared to Hillary Clinton. Perhaps it is because our political choices end up being so dependent on our backgrounds and upbringings-- as a child of a lower middle class family, Reagan democrats in some respects, growing up surrounded by 'yes we fucking can' women-- the choice was made for me long before she announced. Something about her, though, appealed to me. Much as I prefer a McDonalds Caramel iced coffee to a venti vanilla latte, my inborn and developed tastes are predicated on the world in which I live. I vote for Clinton because I am part of that voting bloc, even though Barack Obama might better represent my ideals or opinions.

Maybe part of her appeal is that she sounds like a woman from West Haven, but with words, thoughts, and insight from the world outside those 50,000 people. That deep down, she's just a local girl done good. Much like how I try to view myself, sans the gender difference, law degree, and the elected office. We do have similar hair, though, at least when mine was growing out for Harry Potter.

The most important thing, though, is probably that there is something about Hillary Clinton's tenacity and "old fashioned" belief that one enters civil service to help others achieve their version of the American Dream that has made me feel like I have a duty to work a little harder and reach a litle farther. Or that there is possibility and hope and opportunity with hard work and determination.

So Hillary Clinton, thanks for the past few months. I'm excited for next season.